Look who's talking now/again/this time . . .

Why does my childhood involve such a ridiculous amount of talking dogs? Not that I'm complaining, but I'm noticing a pattern here. Anyway, this installment of Nostalgic Pups involves live action talking dogs (the kind that don't move their mouth) in a movie that starts out pretty good and then quickly turns into an improbable cheese-fest worthy of the most spectacular face-palm.

What else could I be talking about than the final (was it?) chapter of the Look Who's Talking movies? I have to say that I loved this movie when I was kid, so much so that I rented it repeatedly from the video store. Look Who's Talking Now features those talking babies as fully functional children that actually speak out loud. Mikey is now 8 or something and he really wants a dog, but his parents don't want to get one (I so relate!).Mikey sees a many giving away puppies in the street, and is attracted to the last one left, a particularly charming mutt. The mutt puppy also feels a connection to Mikey, but Mikey can't take him home. That mutt ends up being adopted by two bikers (lol). Is that the last we'll see of him? Well stay tuned.

James (John Travolta) gets a new job flying some sexy temptress business lady around, and Molly (Kirstie Alley) on the other hand, gets fired. The temptress boss lady takes a very personal interest in James, which results in a lot of tension in the family (though James is not really sure why!) At some point Mikey discovers that Santa isn't real, and this blow to Mikey's psyche (ha! I rhymed!) causes James to soften and take Mikey to a shelter to get a dog.

At the same time, James' new boss decides to give the family her dog after hearing about Mikey's desire for one. Dilemma! Now they have two dogs! A mutt named Rocks (voiced by Danny DeVito) and a prissy Standard Poodle named Daphne (voiced by Diane Keaton). Of course, Rocks and Daphne hate each other. Rocks is impossible to train and a disaster, while Daphne is perfect. Hilarious antics ensue.





















Of course, they can't keep both dogs! So Molly and James make a deal to get rid of the dog that causes the most trouble (guess who that ends up being?). Well, its not as simple as that. After an incident where Rocks destroys Daphne's fairy princess dog house thing, Daphne decides to chew up one of Molly's shoes, in the hopes that it will be blamed on Rocks and he will be thrown out.
Well the shoe goes unnoticed for quite some time, and during this time Daphne and Rocks overcome their differences and become an item (shocking, I know).

They go on a nice doggie date, which involves eating out of a trash can and rolling around in mud. It all seems very familiar. Isn't there a an animated Disney movie with prissy girl dog and a street wise mutt that learn from each other and fall in love? The name isn't coming to me at the moment.

Daphne has let go of her inhibitions! She is truly happy!
But later that day . . .
THE SHOE! Yes, the shoe is found and Rocks is banished to the tiny balcony outside the apartment. Now Daphne is regretting being such a heinous witch, but too late for any of that. The humans are too caught up in their problems, which include James having to fly sexy temptress somewhere on Christmas where they conviently end up stranded in a cabin. This is also the part of the movie where everything goes downhill.

In summary, James finally wises up while at the same time his family goes to find him. They all find each other and realize "Hey we're a family and we love each other and that's awesome!!1!". Somewhere in there Rocks protects James from a pack of wolves. He lives. Mikey hears sleigh bells and Santa on a radio. Christmas Spirit lives! The end.

To be fair, this movie isn't that terrible. It is leaps and bounds ahead of the travesty that is Rover Dangerfield, and considering what they had to work with, Travolta and Alley were very funny and very good in this movie. I personally loved Diane Keaton in this, and Danny DeVito isn't too shabby either. This movie will always be a nostalgic favorite of mine, but if I ever watch it again, I will skip the ending. You should do the same!
Stay tuned for the next installment of . . . NOSTALGIC PUPS!

Rover Dangerfield!?

As you can tell from the title, today's Nostalgic Pups is having a WTF moment. Yes today, we will be looking at the barely remembered, painfully unfunny and just plain awful crapfest that is Rover Dangerfield!
Yup. This is one of those movies that was a lot better when you were a kid. Okay, its one of those movies that was decent when you were a kid. Watching it now? Painful to say the least. Besides the flimsy plot, unfunny jokes and annoying voice actors the worst part is definitely Rover himself, which is just a creepy dog-like caricature of Rodney Dangerfield. I say dog-like because the animators retained way too many of Rodney's real life mannerisms, resulting in pure unadulterated weirdness. Exhibit A:
Charlie in All Dogs Go to Heaven was based on his voice actor (Burt Reynolds!) too, but it wasn't to the point where he no longer looked like a dog and was creepy.
So about that plot . . . yea, the plot. Rover lives in Las Vegas and loves it. He shows it during a terrible musical number:Things change because of Rover's showgirl owner.
She is dating this guy, who apparently is a methhead.
He decides Rover is an obstacle to something-or-other and tries to kill him. Instead, Rover is rescued and ends up on a farm. (A city dog on a farm!? That's preposterous!) On the farm are a group of dogs that the movie should have been about, but wasn't. Despite the fact that they are a billion times more likeable than Rover, they hardly get any screen time, to the point where I can't even remember their names. There is also another dog, Raffles (a Border Collie I think) who could have easily been the star of this movie, but is instead relegated to the role of simple country boy (dog?) who teaches the city slicker the ropes on the farm. Yawn. I really liked Raffles and the other farm dogs. They were the only thing worthwhile about this movie. Everything else felt so contrived. Oh well. Moving on! At this point there is only one thing missing from this movie. Can you guess? That's right! No movie about a fat and 'lovable' guy is complete without the superhot love interest! In this film, the love interest is Daisy, a beautiful Rough Collie whose job is to scare away crows, I think. After about five excruciating minutes of interaction (which include another terrible song), Daisy decides she loves Rover. Yeah, I don't have an explanation for that either. Anyway, after this Rover proves himself on the farm by saving the farmer's life and doing various other things. Blah blah blah. His showgirl owner finds him. Blah. All this nonsense culminates in one of the most disturbing things I have ever seen in animation.

These puppies (cue dramatic music):Why? Why are there like 30 of the Rover puppies and one of the pretty Daisy puppies? Why was this movie ever made? If you're feeling masochistic today, this gem is available somewhere on Youtube. Just don't say I didn't warn you. Because I did. Many times.

On today's episode . . .

For today's Nostalgic Pups, we are looking to Walt Disney! But wait! There's more! Today's pups are NOT animated. That's right. Not animated. They are none other than Chance and Shadow, the canine protagonists of Disney's Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey. Homeward Bound was one of those talking animal movies that didn't have animals that moved their mouths. I personally think it works out better that way, as the movies with the mouth-moving in sync with what the animal saying usually suck.

Doing the narration (and getting some of the best one-liners) is Chance. Chance is a young, mischievous rescue dog who still hasn't learned the concept of family (duh, that's at the end!). Chance is an American Bulldog, and probably the number one reason to see this movie. I love Chance. He's such a dog! He is always thinking about food, chasing things and interesting smells. That pretty much sums up a big chunk of a dog's personality, and why they are so charming. Also, like I mentioned before, Chance has some of the best lines in the movie. I will include some of my favorites below:



"Ta-da! Batdog!"
(after seeing the chicken coop) "Hallelujah, I've died and gone to Kentucky!"
(while chasing a goose) "I'm not gonna hurt you, I just want to chew on your neck!"
"This is like Arnold Schwarzen-kitty!"
(after an encounter with a porcupine) "Ah! He bit me with his butt!"

Next we have everybody's dream dog: he's loyal, well-behaved, and very handsome. He is Shadow, the beautiful Golden Retriever. Shadow is like an old gentleman, serious and old-fashioned. He is basically the perfect dog, and the initiator of the films titular journey. I have to admit that at first I didn't like Shadow, being so stodgy and perfect, but as the movie goes on he becomes much more likable.


Of course there is also the cat, Sassy, but since this is a blog about dogs, we aren't going to discuss her much. Sassy also had some great lines, such as:

"Oh, is that any way to speak to a petite dewdrop... you big flat-faced butt-sniffer?"
(as her owner hugs her) "Hope, sweetheart, Sassy can't breathe"
"Oh, Chance. When will you grow up? That bear could've eaten you. Don't you realize how painful that would've been... for the bear?"


One of my favorite moments was this Sassy/Chance exchange:
Chance - "Well fine, just sit here and diet."
Sassy -"Are you calling me fat?"
Chance - "'Course not, for a hippopotamus!"
(Chance runs into a tree)
Chance - "I meant to do that!"


So in the end, everyone comes out of this adventure alive (barely), are reunited with their humans, and learn valuable life lessons like (ready for it?) the meaning of family! AWW!



Stay tuned for the next Nostalgic Pups!

They need love too

I'm all about showing love for all the dogs in the world, and that includes fictional ones. Oh yea, I'm going to take you back, back to the 90s. Back to the best film Fido's of my childhood, in a feature I'm gonna call Nostalgic Pups.

Today, it's all about Charlie and Itchy, the trouble making duo from Don Bluth's All Dogs Go to Heaven.

Charlie Barkin is a German Shepherd mix of sorts with questionable morals and lacking a conscience. He does whatever it takes to get what he wants, and that usually means he doesn't think things through ever. Despite this, I think he is cute and I would totally adopt him. My only fears would be that a. Charlie would escape. Many times or b. he would build an underground casino in my yard.



Itchy Itchiford is an adorably neurotic and paranoid Dachshund, or, the perfect foil for the reckless Charlie. Also he is itchy, hence the name. Supposedly he itches the most when he's nervous, but he's nervous most of the time so basically Itchy is always well, itchy. Would I adopt Itchy? Probably not. Neurotic dogs annoy the crap out of me. He is sweet, so maybe I'd consider it.




There are plenty of other dogs in this movie, but they are all scary/strange/unlikable, so, I'm not really going to discuss them. Except Killer. Killer the nerdy homicidal maniac. Seriously, what kind of dog is Killer? He's the only one whose breed is completely ambiguous. Maybe he's such a huge mutt that's he's become unidentifiable? Perhaps that's the source of his rage? I mean, I know I'd be pissed if I looked like a near-sighted, malformed sausage link. Would I adopt Killer? HAHA. No. I forgot to mention I don't like homicidal dogs. Especially when they kind of look like malformed sausage links.


In the end, it turns out Charlie has a heart of gold (movies, stop trying to tell us that men change. They don't!), and he gets to go to Heaven! YAY!

Seriously though, I really love this movie. How can I not? It has dogs, its funny, and there are no princesses (I like them, but they get old fast). Heck, there is even a musical number with a vaguely homosexual crocodile (alligator? wut?). That's all I need in life.

Hope you enjoyed this trip down Repressed Memories Lane, and stay tuned for the next Nostalgic Pups!